Medical Gaslighting: How to Stand Up for Yourself and Get the Care You Deserve

Being dismissed in a doctor’s office is one of the most disorienting things a patient can experience. You come seeking answers—and leave questioning your reality. For those with chronic illnesses, especially women, people of color, and neurodivergent patients, this experience has a name: medical gaslighting.

It happens when your symptoms are minimized, ignored, or attributed to anxiety or lifestyle rather than investigated seriously. And while not all doctors dismiss patients—many are excellent, compassionate, and open to learning—the experience of dismissal is real, harmful, and deeply common.

This guide is here to help. Whether you’ve faced subtle minimization or overt disbelief, you deserve care that listens, investigates, and respects your lived experience. Here’s how to advocate for yourself without burning out.

Recognizing Medical Dismissal

Dismissal doesn’t always look like cruelty—it often hides in rushed appointments or assumptions that go unchallenged. Here are some common signs:

• Being told your symptoms are “just stress” without evaluation

• A provider refuses to order tests or referrals despite ongoing issues

• Feeling rushed or cut off before you finish describing what’s wrong

• Being offered antidepressants instead of a diagnostic workup

• Symptoms being blamed solely on weight, hormones, or lifestyle

These patterns can erode trust over time. Learning to name them is the first step in regaining agency.

My Experience: A Lupus Patient Dismissed

Despite an established autoimmune diagnosis and prescriptions from a board-certified rheumatologist, I once had a new primary care doctor question my entire treatment plan.

"You know those are chemo meds, right? They’re hard on your body. You should stop and lose some weight—your joints will feel better if you drop 20 pounds."

That moment taught me something chilling: even with clear documentation, even when you’ve done everything right, dismissal can still happen. And it can derail your care unless you know how to stand your ground.

Self-Advocacy Strategies That Work

1. Prepare Before You Go
Bring a symptom log, your diagnosis history, and recent labs. Organize key points to cover. Use a tool like the Patient Empowerment Pulse Medical History Tracker to make communication easier.

2. Use Specific, Non-Negotiable Language
Rather than saying “I think something is wrong,” try:
“I am experiencing disabling fatigue that affects my work and daily function. I need further evaluation.”

3. Request Documentation
If a doctor refuses a test or referral, say:
“Can you document in my chart why this step is not medically necessary?”
This often prompts a pause—and sometimes a reversal.

4. Bring a Support Person
A friend or family member can validate your account, help track what was said, and provide backup if the tone turns dismissive.

5. Know Your Rights
You have the right to:

• Request second opinions

• Access your full medical records

• Change providers without explanation

6. Follow Up in Writing
Use patient portals to recap the appointment and push for clarity:
“In our visit today, I mentioned [X]. I’d like to know the next steps toward addressing it.”

What If You're Not Sure? Trusting Yourself When It Feels Murky

Sometimes, the dismissal you experience isn’t obvious or aggressive. You might walk away from a visit feeling vaguely uneasy—like something important was missed, but you can’t quite name what. That, too, is a signal.

Dismissal doesn’t always mean being told “you’re fine.” It can mean:

• A provider talks more than they listen.

• Your symptoms are acknowledged but not explored.

• You feel like you have to prove you’re sick enough.

If you leave appointments feeling smaller instead of supported, that matters. Self-advocacy isn’t just for confrontational moments—it’s also for quiet discomfort. It’s okay to seek clarity. It’s okay to ask follow-up questions. And it’s more than okay to say:

“I don’t feel like my concerns were fully addressed today. Can we revisit this?”

Learning to trust your gut—even when it’s unsure—can be one of the most powerful tools in navigating complex care.

Not every mismatch is a red flag. But if you consistently feel unheard:

• Look for specialists aligned with your symptoms (e.g., rheumatologists, endocrinologists, neurologists)

• Search for doctors who emphasize patient-centered care in their bios or reviews

• Use sites like Healthgrades, Zocdoc, or patient forums to gather insights

• Ask local advocacy groups for referrals

Sometimes, the best doctor for you is one who’s willing to learn alongside you—not one who thinks they already know your body better than you do.

Empowering Yourself with Knowledge

You don’t need to become your own doctor—but learning the language helps:

• Look up terms on trusted sites like Mayo Clinic or NIH

• Practice describing your symptoms in medical terms (e.g., “joint stiffness” vs. “achy”)

• Keep a binder or digital folder with labs, diagnoses, and medication history for easy reference

Every piece of information you track becomes a tool in your hands.

Final Thoughts: Your Voice Deserves a Seat at the Table

Medical gaslighting doesn’t mean your doctor is cruel or careless—it may mean they’re busy, biased, or operating from outdated assumptions. But you don’t need to accept dismissal as your fate.

You deserve care that listens, investigates, and affirms your experience.

Advocacy isn’t arrogance. It’s how patients survive—and thrive—in a system still learning how to see us clearly. So gather your data, steady your voice, and remember: your body is not lying. And neither are you.

You belong in every room where your health is discussed. And you deserve to be heard.

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